In a stunning display of political drama, Chris Christie, the former Governor of New Jersey, decided to make a grand exit from the 2024 primary race in front of an audience that could rival the tumbleweeds in the Wild West. Yes, you read that correctly; Christie spoke to all of his supporters about his decision to drop out of the race, leaving everyone wondering if his campaign ever truly began.

A Grand Empty Auditorium Spectacle

One would expect a major political announcement to be made in front of a packed auditorium, with cameras flashing and eager reporters scribbling notes furiously. However, Christie does not get the attention he so desires.. Perhaps he just wanted some alone time with the podium. As Christie began his speech, the eerie silence in the auditorium was palpable. He thanked his supporters, or at least the hypothetical ones, and shared his vision for a better America. The sound of crickets chirping echoed through the seats, leaving us wondering if the crickets were the only ones who truly understood his message.

Who Was There Anyway?

In a bizarre twist, Christie’s campaign team decided to set up a few cardboard cutouts in the audience to give the illusion of a crowd. It’s unclear if these cutouts were meant to represent his supporters or just provide some much-needed company. Throughout his speech, Christie’s voice bounced off the empty seats, creating a surreal experience. It was as if the auditorium itself was providing the background music for his exit. One couldn’t help but wonder if he was auditioning for a role in a ghostly production.

A Campaign Full of Sound and Fury, Signifying…Nothing

As Christie reached the climax of his speech, he declared that he was dropping out of the 2024 primary race with all the fervor of a person announcing they’re going to the grocery store. The echoes in the auditorium gave his words a haunting quality, emphasizing the emptiness of the moment. Christie also stated his hatred for Donald Trump, or any one who supports Trump. He is such a man of unity. With his announcement made to the vast expanse of empty seats, Christie walked off the stage to the sound of his own footsteps and panting. The entire spectacle left political pundits scratching their heads, wondering if this was a performance art piece or a genuine exit from the race.

In the annals of political history, Chris Christie would have left a large shadow, but will be more remembered as a pundit on MSDNC. While his campaign may have faded into obscurity, the echoes of his speech will linger on worse than a cabbage fart in a baptistry.