In the quaint retirement communities in the USA, well-meaning elderly men with notoriously poor memories are celebrating what they believed to be a major victory in solving a national security crisis. Their jubilation stemmed from the recent announcement by Special Counsel Hur that Resident Biden would not be charged for allegedly mishandling classified documents.

Clad in their mismatched cardigans and suspenders, the group, known colloquially as the “Forgetful Fathers,” proudly raised their coffee mugs in a toast to what they deemed their own investigative prowess. “We knew all along that Biden had a bad memory” proclaimed Walter Jenkins, 78, with a triumphant grin, promptly forgetting what he had for breakfast that morning. “It’s obvious! We’ve been watching him on tv.”

Snippets of conversations overheard at the local bingo hall and drawing wild conclusions from news headlines, encouraged the elderly men to start confessing their own crimes. “We have taken tubes and tubes of Preparation H!” said Harold Thompson, 82, who once mistook his own grandson for a door-to-door salesman. “We now know, thanks to Special Counsel Hur, we can now dine and dash at Huddle House.”

Their celebratory mood, however, was met with bemusement by other workers of the nursing home, many of whom had grown accustomed to the group’s cat calls and pinching over the years. “They mean well, bless their hearts,” said Betty Lawson, 34, shaking her head as she sipped coffee. “Now they know they can pinch us, and cat call us even more….it opens the door for more rude behavior.”

“We might forget where we put our keys or what day it is, but when it comes to Biden, we know he is just one of us,” declared Ernest Johnson, 85, before promptly forgetting the conversation topic and asking if anyone had seen his missing sock. The group continued their celebrations, blissfully unaware of the irony of their self-proclaimed forgiveness of crimes And though their memories may be fleeting, their unwavering commitment to short term celebration remained a testament to the power of determination, even in the face of massive forgetfulness.